Yesterday, I learned of the death of a previous flying friend - Arden Johnson (of N2425Q), he pass away in March 2009. We had a "falling out" many years ago, and only spoke to each other a couple of times since. I wished that we had resolved our differences - but due to distance and other factors that did not allow two stubborn old-men to take the time to try.
In some way I thought we would resolve our differences someday, as I still have a metal file that he lent me. Each time I saw it in my tool cabinet, I remember I needed to return it - thinking that I could use it as an excuse to chat.
Looking back now, I can see that Arden may have tried, by asking us to their house to help resolve a new issues at the Airpark, we went to their house, but the Airpark was no longer important as we had just bought our new Ranch and was very busy with it. He left the door open for making amends, but due to other immediate Ranch issues, I just did not walk through.
It is strange how final death is, things un-said or un-done can not be corrected - no matter how hard you would want to try.
Sorry - my Friend.
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I know how hard it is when things are not as they should be and then there is apparently no further opportunity to make amends. This is different, but similar to the relationship I had with my father before he died. While death is final, it is never too late to say the words that need be said. I would encourage you to find a way to "say" these words to your friend either in a letter or other vehicle that you find comfortable. I have written many a long letter to my father. While nothing in the way of facts changes, what does change is how I look at things. When my ex and I divorced, I wrote (and never sent) dozens of letters as a way to put into words the emotions that otherwise would have ripped me apart. Strange power lies in the seemingly, but actually very difficult task of putting emotions into words. Again while nothing changed about the facts of the situation, I was able through that process to let go of the emotional junque that I would otherwise have carried for years. Something about getting that letter "just so" allows me to let it go. Besides, a spiritual person would say the person can hear and understand what is on your heart even though they are gone from this physical world. My best to you in this struggle.
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